Dr Plokta (drplokta) wrote,
Dr Plokta

Today's Legislation

First, please note that pmcmurray has been appointed Minion i/c Australia. There are other continental vacancies for suitably qualified applicants, or suitably large bribes.

Second, here is your new legislation for today. All published timetables for public transport are hereby deemed to constitute contracts between the transport company and the passenger, and liability may not be excluded for delays or cancellations except where they are genuinely both unforeseeable and outside the control of the transport company or its subcontractors and suppliers. Examples of items for which liability may be excluded:
  • Weather conditions which have not occurred in the same area within the previous century
  • Terrorism or vandalism employing military weaponry or heavy industrial machinery
Where passengers can't demonstrate any financial loss other than their time, their time shall be valued at £30 per hour for the purposes of claiming compensation, including not only the length of the delay, but also the time spent in making the claim and collecting the payment -- so if you have staff on the platform to meet a late train and hand out buckets of cash, it's just the payment for the delay, but if you have to fill in a form, collect a cheque and pay it into you bank, you can add £15 for the half hour it takes. If you have to go to court, you can add hundreds or thousands of pounds. However, delays of five minutes or less shall be considered to be inconsequential.

Finally, from this date onwards no timetable may be reissued with reduced service frequencies or increased journey times without permission from your supreme dictator -- if you can't deliver the service, you should never have claimed that you should.
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